Jimmy Kimmel continued to tear into fallout from Donald Trump’s recent dinner party at Mar-a-Lago with Ye, the rapper formerly known as Kanye West, and known antisemite Nick Fuentes. After widespread condemnation of the guest list – Trump has claimed he didn’t know who Fuentes was – Mar-a-Lago will now have “increased” vetting on guests.
“And by increased vetting, they mean they’ll start vetting guests,” Kimmel laughed. The new measures reportedly require a senior campaign official to be with Trump at all times. “They’ve hired a supernanny to take care of Donald Trump,” Kimmel joked.
Meanwhile, “the walls are closing in” on Trump, Kimmel added, as House Democrats confirmed they had possession of six years of Trump’s tax returns following a three-year legal battle. “I imagine the snow angels they’re making in those papers right now,” Kimmel mused.
“Hopefully they will share some of what’s in them soon,” he said. “I mean, how long can it take to read six years of ‘I didn’t pay any tax’ returns?”
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert celebrated the conviction of Stewart Rhodes, founder of the Oath Keepers, for seditious conspiracy. “That’s a big one. That’s insurrection with a creamy treason center right there. Delicious,” he said.
Rhodes faces a maximum of 60 years in prison. “On the bright side, by 2082 the hip new look might be steampunk cowboy pirate,” said Colbert, referring to Rhodes’s preferred fashion of bandanna, cowboy hat and eye patch.
“Now when you hear the name Oath Keepers and that eye patch, it makes Rhodes sorta seem like a heroic freedom rebel,” Colbert noted. “In reality, he’s a disbarred Yale law grad who wears an eyepatch after accidentally shooting himself in the face with his own gun. Oops-a-karma!”
The verdict marks the first time that a jury decided that the violence on January 6 was the product of an organized conspiracy. “Well, yeah. I watched it – it sure seemed organized,” Colbert mused. “I don’t remember any headlines that said: ‘Capitol meet-cute gets out of hand.’”
In other news, the Senate passed the Respect for Marriage Act, which would enshrine marriage equality in federal law; the bill now returns to the House, where it’s expected to pass and arrive on Joe Biden’s desk for his signature. “This is an incredible moment! I feel so proud to live in a country where anyone, regardless of their sexuality, can disagree for decades about the right way to load a dishwasher,” Colbert deadpanned. “You don’t need to pre-rinse. That’s just washing the dishes before they go in the dishwasher.”
And on the Daily Show, Trevor Noah checked in on the runoff election for US Senate in Georgia, between Democrat Raphael Warnock and Trump-backed former football star Herschel Walker. Walker, who has been plagued by scandal throughout the campaign, has fresh problems: according to reports, the Georgia home which he claimed as his residence has actually been rented out for years.
Walker also admitted in a speech earlier this year that he lives in Texas. “Which I was shocked about, because I did not think Herschel Walker knew the names of two different states,” Noah joked. “I know this might piss some people off, but when you think about it, this just proves that Herschel Walker views Georgians as family – because he’s never around them.”
Another problem for Walker: “Every time he speaks, things go wrong,” said Noah.
In a recent campaign speech, Walker attempted to explain how he would build Donald Trump’s border wall, but “in a way that only Herschel Walker can, he goes on to debunk his own argument” and invoked, somehow, his dog.
Walker said, in full: “A wall work around your house. When you got a wall around your house, people don’t – yeah, but they can get in, but you know what? They get in, it’d be hard to get out. Because I got a dog that – well, my dog really won’t bite, but he’s pretty bad. Anyway.”
As Noah put it: “I’m sorry, what? Did this man just win an argument with himself?
“I think his plan is to, what, build a border wall so that he can trap immigrants inside America?” Noah imitated Walker: “You see, once they get in, they can’t get out, then they gotta get a job and raise a family and settle down, and that’s how we get ’em, yeah!”
“It’s almost like Walker started out talking about border security and then ended up telling everyone how to break into his house,” Noah added. “And I don’t think he needs a wall, because the hardest part about breaking into Herschel Walker’s house is figuring out which state it’s in.”